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Our Stories :: The life and times of DANGER MONKEY
Our Stories :: The life and times of DANGER MONKEY

The life and times of DANGER MONKEY 

  By: BINRO

DANGER MONKEY was to be the ultimate extreme ape. He would laugh (and slap his knee) in the face of death. He wouldn't let a little thing like being on fire stop him from getting the old job done. He was going to be the toughest monkey in all of Eden.

Well, that was my original intent anyway.

Beginning with the knowledge that a creature eventually becomes immune to savage beatings, I thought that it might be possible to make a creature resistant to all forms of pain and punishment if i worked hard enough at it. Thus did I begin a new game and choose my vict...er...creature, an ape I named DANGER MONKEY.

He was a happy, jolly ape to begin with, as frisky and friendly a critter as you ever saw. Then I started to toughen him up.

I always punished him to 100%.

I dropped the largest rocks I could lift right on top of him.

I struck him with lightning.

I hurled fireballs at his head.

(It was more or less at this point that I abandoned the notion of making a super ape and just started torturing him for fun)

I starved him.

I blocked him out of his pen with rocks.

I pelted him with villagers, animals, trees and poo.

I beat him savagely well past 100%. I always tried to punish him while he was standing next to buildings to ensure he got lots of cuts and bruises. I would whack him hard and knock him off his feet. Sometimes, I would keep going until he hit 100% damage and collapsed. When he rematerializred in his pen, I WOULD WHACK HIM AGAIN SO HE JUST KEELED RIGHT BACK OVER.

DANGER MONKEY is terrified of me. He runs whenever I'm near. If I hit the zoom-to-creature key, he flees while constantly looking over his shoulder at the camera. He runs from my hand. I can literally chase him with it.

Once, I planted a huge forest, set fire to it and chased him through the middle of it.

AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAA!!!

DANGER MONKEY is a shrimpy scar-covered runt which makes it all the more fun to send him into battle against computer-controlled creatures. He always gets stomped like a carpet mite.

He used to actually run to the villagers for protection but soon realized they were of no help after I struck them with lightning and hurled their flaming corpses at his head.

DANGER MONKEY loved his teddy. He stroked it and carried it wherever he went. As soon as he made the mistake of putting it down, I scooped it up and carried it out over deep water. He scampered helplessly along the shore trying to get to the stuffed bear being held in my clutches. When I was sure he was frantic enough, I dropped it in the water. It bobbed a few times and sank. The stupid ape kept going back to the shore for days and cried his little eyes out. I beat him mercilessly for every tear he shed.

At least he had his beach balls and dice to toss around...until I made him eat them.

He's scared to death of being in the pen. He prefers to sleep far out in the wilderness. It can be fun to play hide-and-seek with him. I don't zoom out. I just creep along close to the ground until I find him. He always knows where I am and runs away which makes this a particularly challenging exercise.

What can we learn from DANGER MONKEY? Well, torturing your creature is wrong, but it can be fun.


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